Worst feeling in the world

Long, long ago, I believed the most terrible thing in the world was death. Nothing was I dreading about except death, and I thought everything was just... fate. I thought that fate was kind because I used to get everything I wanted.
Okay this is a bit off subject, but that was basically me before I attended school.
I will never lie to you guys because I love you all. Best things that happens to blogs are viewers. As many as possible, that's it. So I am gonna tell you guys a fact about me. Looking at my profile, and my status, people will think that I am positive, and have many friends... Then you made a mistake. Since primary school, I was regarded as 'weird' and 'ugly' and even 'retarded'. I used to cry every night, when no one knew I was. When they were all asleep, I was not. I tried to change, but I just, just can't. It was a ridiculous idea to become someone else I don't know. In fact, the person that I never understood fully was myself, because in a whole life, some people just cannot find themselves. I thought that I was never someone fit inside people. Yes that was me. Okay to be frank, my life wasn't long because I am only 13 this year and that was not long. Yes the worst feeling  in the world (I'm sure you get it now) is called loneliness. I hate being alone. Some people likes it and I mean no offence, because it's my own opinion.
When I was in primary four, I was called 'no.1 enemy detected' every time I walk near someone. People made my things drop on the floor and pretend that I have virus and avoid me even if it's crowded. I did not have much of a thought, I just hated them.
The following year, their verbal and physical attacks stopped because we got older and understood things more and began to take things in a more matured way. But I could still tell they hated me. Ignoring my friend requests on Facebook, and having less than 100 followers despite having an Instagram for more than a year. I let them carry on, feeling that whether they show it or not, they still hate me. I rather take it when they hate me in open than hurting me 'inside' if you get me. Once on a field trip, the girl who was assigned to sit with me was regarded 'most unluckiness' and every time a teacher asks for group projects or pair works, I was always the most awkward one who sits there with nobody and fighting back tears...